The Facebook Fuss – Frustrated Friendships?

By | November 9, 2009

Is facebook complicating relationships? Many are connecting online with old friends, distant family, and unfortunately at times old flames. Problem is, these relationships are not in ‘real’ time they are virtual relationships, ones maintained and fostered online.I spoke to a few individuals recently and one person in particular did sheepishly admit to me that she intentionally posts pictures on her Facebook for accolades and praise of others. She feels that she still does not measure up and wants to show the world, mainly friends, that she is valuable and she does have a decent life. We went on to process during the discussion that it is more about her proving to herself she is valuable and hiding behind putting it up to ‘simply’ share with others. Now, don’t mistake, not all Facebookers are emotionally underdeveloped but this great networking tool can be a haven for such persons. The profile photo is one such indicator. Have you noticed the men and women that have near-glamour shots for their profile image? We are not talking about an image with their spouse or one of them with their kids but a photo of them in a ‘hey-look-at-me-i-am-so-beautiful’ kind of photos. If you are a social networker I caution you to be aware of your networking time and don’t develop and foster a sense of core-Self based on trite comments online or simpleton surveys people create. Instead, use social networking to build your relationships and catch up and stay connected; remember to ensure you are not shying away from what is key, physical real time human relationships.

Elizabeth Bernstein recently wrote an article that hit home with me and I resonated with similar sentiments in her article on WallStreet Journals online site, Here is a small piece of her article that captures the essence of what she offered that I felt compelled to include in this article. “Like many people, I’m experiencing Facebook Fatigue. I’m tired of loved ones-you know who you are-who claim they are too busy to pick up the phone, or even write a decent email, yet spend hours on social-media sites, uploading photos of their children or parties, forwarding inane quizzes, posting quirky, sometimes nonsensical one-liners or tweeting their latest whereabouts. (“Anyone know a good restaurant in Berlin?”)” She couldn’t of said it better. My individuals that didn’t really develop a core Self earlier in their development are using Facebook to support their underdeveloped ego and esteem. She was right on the mark in her article at WallStreet Journal’s online site. If you’re a facebooker, ensure you keep your primary relationships ‘real-time’ and avoid the virtual world of connecting except for occasional updates and photo exchanges.

Copyright: No part of this article in section or full may be reproduced without permission from the author Justin Stum, MS LMFT. The one and only exception is for educational purposes and only if the contact information below for the author is fully cited here in article. Justin Stum, MS LMFT, 640 E. 700 S., Suite 103, St. George Utah 84770 435-574-9193,

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